Today I noticed that my niece wrote on facebook about how she doesn’t like herself that she is very unhappy.  She has always covered half of her face with her hair and made a comment that she hates this about herself.  She was abused as a child, but we didn’t know about it until she was a teen and by that time its toll had already caused a lot of damage.  I wish I would have known…..(deep breath).  I’m not writing about that today.  I am writing about what do we do now.  Wether we have horrible child experiences or not so horrible, we all have to find ourselves.  For me as a child, I was very shy. I was picked on pretty bad.  My family moved two weeks before middle school started.  So not only was I starting Middle school, I had no friends.  To top it off, the school was located in the “lower income” side of town and I lived in the “higher Income” part.  I am white and the school mostly consisted of hispanics.  In the 90’s this was all still a big deal.  I got picked on from the kids from both sides because I didn’t belong.  I was also a band nerd.  High school wasn’t as bad, but I didn’t have great self esteem.  I found myself in relationships that didn’t make me happy.  I finally got married and was miserable.  I had some kids, still unhappy.  I was having serious anxiety attacks, pain all throughout  my left side.  I was put on a betta blocker called propranolol to stop the adrenaline from rushing to my heart.  If I didn’t take it, I felt shaky and dizzy.  I took it for two years.  I had enough!  I decided to take Spiritual Health and Stress Management at my local College.  It saved my life!  I learned how to control my anxiety through my breath, I started meditation and yoga, but I was also turned on to many books.  I since have read many self help/ motivational books that have all taught me so much.

Now getting back on topic, self esteem.  What is it?  My dictionary app says:  -noun;  a realistic respect for or favorable impression of oneself.   So, to feel good about yourself.  To be happy with yourself.  To Love yourself, I think, is the most important. My absolute favorite book is The Mastery of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz. He explains very well what love means and that you must find it with in yourself first.

I started to write this blog months ago, but got distracted by life and forgot about it. But it is still relevant today. Having self esteem, loving yourself is the most important thing you can do for yourself. The ultimate path to happiness is love.

Now that it is the new year, I have proclaimed my resolution. I will take better car of myself!! Yoga, exercise, meditation, diet. All the things I always want to do because I know I will feel great!!! I will also grow my business. Since I last wrote, I’ve started an all natural skin care company. I make homemade products that are full of nutrients and love.

Avila Natural Beauty

I hope you choose to make better choices this new year, but most importantly be happy!!!!


It’s been 11months since I wrote the blog about will power, and I haven’t changed a damned thing.  It was a very nice blog, I’m so good at giving advice, but here I am almost a year later in the same place. Every single day flies by. I have no time for myself. I have been tearing myself up inside about wanting my monsters to hurry up and grow up and move out of my house, but at the same time I know it will kill me when the time comes. They drive me absolutely nuts! Today I am also fighting with my husband. This life that we created, this beautiful family, our home, is going to give my an anxiety attack for sure. I need a break, some peace, maybe another beer. Cheers. This is when I’m suppose to do breathing exercises. Breathe in with a smile, hold, and let gooooooooooooooooooo. Again. The tv is too loud. Breathe in with a smile, it’s hard to do when the baby is yelling at me! Breathe in. Ok try mindful breathe. I am breathing in. I am breathing out. I am breathing in. I am breathing out……….ok feeling better. Thank you for listening to my rant.

It’s not really bacon soup.  It’s lentil soup with bacon and veggies.  But how else am I suppose to get my monsters to try it?  It is very delicious.

Boil some lentils, don’t forget to rinse them. Fry up some bacon.  I cut about 4 strips into small bits. When bacon is cooked, not too crispy, add veggies into pan.  For veggies I used cauliflower, carrot, celery, and yellow and orange bell pepper, but you can use any veggies you have available. I didn’t drain the bacon grease.  Cover veggies and bacon until cooked, but not soft. Make sure to check your lentils so they don’t get too soft. I had to turn them off while I waited for the veggies.  Add veggies/ bacon to lentils. Stir it up, let it simmer a bit to blend the flavor. Enjoy.



I really like how this one turned out.  It’s a little small for me, but I have a big head.  I used the pattern from my last post, but changed it up a bit.  I used double crochet instead of singles on third row, and I finished it off with two rows of single crochet instead of the backwards crochet.  And I only did two sets instead of three.


I found myself a little model.

Hubby and I took the littles to the park.  It was a wonderful day!

I’m working on another ear warmer.  I’m changing up the pattern just a little, hope it turns out….


I joined the biggest loser challenge at work.  How it works is you pay $25, weigh in every two weeks and at the end of three months who ever loses the largest % of weight wins all the money.  I work in a Mexican restaurant.  It isn’t always easy to eat healthy there.  All my co workers have  been ordering grilled chicken breast with whole beans and steamed veggies, or some variation of that.  Yesterday I brought mixed nuts and veggies with hummus.  I reused a baby food container for the hummus. I thought that was pretty genius.  And I started a food journal.  I’ve alway found this a very effective way to hold yourself accountable and to make better choices.  Drinking lots of smoothies.  This one has frozen berries, banana, coconut milk, Kale, Matcha powder, hemp protein powder (trader joes) a little OJ and water.

I just spent all morning cooking and cleaning, now I have about 2 hours of “free time” before work.  It’s not really free, kids are getting home from school soon. I have to feed them and clean again.  But I love it. They are awesome.  I love my life.